Lot of times I wonder why things aren’t happening right, why do I make mistakes, why am I so stressed about life. Sometimes I feel like running away, sometimes I wish I could just disappear. Amidst all these commotion I know deep down somewhere that there is hope. That someday I will overcome all these problems and the million others that are yet to come. One day they will all go away and I will be happy.
I am the sort of person who plans things well, like extremely well. If there is an upper limit that a person’s OCD can get then mine would be the highest in terms of planning. Everyday when I go to work – there is a ton of emails waiting for me with an equal number of pending unfinished tasks either requiring my attention or guidance. My stress levels shoots up when I see that list growing bigger and bigger throughout the day and I try my best to knockout the list as much as possible before I head back home in the evening. Next morning the cycle continues.
But everyday before I get to work, I close my eyes and pray to God asking him to give me strength to overcome all troubles the work. I ask him to take care of everything. And voila it does. I am not propagating prayer here (I hate to do that) but for me it is a form of reassurance that I get when I pray. The feeling that I am not alone and everything will be alright. A little nudge on my self belief.
This reminds me of an incident that happened when I was about 4-5years old. I accidentally locked myself inside the bathroom and couldn’t open the door. I cried from inside and did not know what to do. My dad climbed the wall from the back of the bathroom and peeped through the bathroom window vent and called my name. He did not tell me what to do, all he did was assure me that he is there and I am not alone. Its hard to believe but I did open the door immediately after seeing him and came out.
Sometimes, when there is trouble all around you and you are lost, all you need is a little reassurance that you are not alone and you can do it yourself. When a 4year old can do it, I am pretty sure we all can do too.